Rule 21: Acknowledging the Diversity of Creation

We were all created in God’s image and yet we were each created different and unique. No two people are alike. No two hearts beat to the same rhythm. If God had wanted everyone to be the same, He would have made it so. Therefore disrespecting differences and imposing your thoughts on others is tantamount to disrespecting God’s holy scheme.

This quote indicates how infinitely manifold God must be, how inexhaustible his/her creativity. Our individuality is an outcome of this creative power and forms a contribution to the diversity and beauty of this world. This we should be aware of when we start to doubt about ourselves or when we take over the doubt that others have about us. This does not mean that we are perfect and impeccable. We are unique beings in development, we are learning and integrating, learning and integration as long as there is life inside of us.

Of course we have our difficulties (and this is an important part of learning) to appreciate all aspects of this creation. We meet many things which are opposite to our taste, sensitivity and life plan. We experience friction here and there, and our edges get sharper by these confrontations. Our individuality gains contour and the difference to others gets more accentuated.

The other side of the coin is the adaptation and adjustment to others. In the different social interaction in which we move around we often align ourselves with our vis-á-vis. Our subconscious tells us how we should act in order to please the other person so that he or she is benevolent towards us. We take our own impulses back in order not to offend someone but to appear nice and likable. We renounce parts of our individuality in favor of alignment. So partners in a long term marriage tend to resemble one another, and dog owners take on the habitual patterns of their pets.

Still it is an expression of our individuality in which manner we adapt ourselves. Every person has a different way to adapt or resist alignment and does this in different situations and occasions.

So we should not see our individuality as a fixed and unchangeable image but as a construction which changes constantly. We form our assumption about who or how we are which can be inaccurate in the next moment. And the way in which we make such assumptions is again expression of our peculiarity.

As we have problems in accepting the mystery of our individuality as a gift and to appreciate it as unsolvable enigma we tend to impose our manner onto others by for instance assuming others should have to think or act as we do. Or by criticizing others about how they think or act. Or by dictating other people about how they should think or act, and so on.

We walk on the street in the city, the pavement is narrow, someone walking too slowly for our speed in front of us. Immediately a voice appears in our head which makes the other person wrong because he/she does not walk in the most appropriate way for us. When we allow the thought instead that this person might have more leisure than we have, we accept the individuality of the other person and open ourselves up for learning from the individuality of the other person and recognize a part of our individuality in doing so.

Or we are in a similar situation, but we are in no hurry but someone in our back wants to take over, and immediately we reject this person as someone who disrespectfully jostles and shoves. Instead we can use a different concept and take the behavior of the other person as opportunity to train our flexibility and our skill in giving way. We understand that someone can be in a hurry as we know this from our lives as well. Now we accept the other person and ourselves in our individuality and ability to learn and grow.

This way, we open our vision for the complex world of people in their different networks of relationships and ways to lead their lives and take it as enrichment rather than as restriction. When we achieve and enhance this skill we can feel an inner relief, an opening to the larger whole, beyond our limited mind which is only a tiny part of the peculiarity which we are.


The rules are taken from Elif Shafak's novel “The Forty Rules of Love” (Viking 2010). They are inspired by the Sufi tradition and worded by the autor's imagination. www.elifshafak.com