Rule 8: the Gifts of Despair

Whatever happens in your life, no matter how troubling things may seem, do not enter the neighbourhood of despair. Even when all doors remain closed, God will open up a new path only for you. Be thankful!  It is easy to be thankful when all is well. A Sufi is thankful not only for what she/he has been given, but also for what she/he has been denied.

Despair, the dark night of the soul is a state of being in which all bridges to the outside world seem to be broken, only an inside world without light is left. To stay aware in this darkness of despair is the most difficult exercise and examination on the inner way. When it is possible to keep up a sense of presence in the face of utter forlornness and not to run away, the ego has lost all of its power. This is the very role of despair – it offers a ruthless touchstone for the seeker as to how far she is willing to surrender to what existence has prepared. As long as she fights what comes up by looking for someone to blame or to curse or to drown in dull resignation she has not seen the present offered by reality. Yet if existence shows its graceful side by offering the strength of perseverance, the transition to a new level of consciousness is close.

Gratitude should be our permanent and daily practise. How easily we forget that everything is just a gift, that we are all gifted with what lets us live, starting from the simplest breath for which air and energy are offered. When we are willing to cultivate this attitude of gratefulness, we will succeed to accept the bulkier experiences in our lives with more ease. For we know how much life is caring for us und which jewels can be hidden amidst the most dreadful experiences.

The mystic has realised that everything which happens is a gift for which gratitude is required. He also has realised that anything which is given to us as benefit is impermanent. He understands that in those experiences which meet our tastes, which we like and enjoy and tend to indulge in, there is a possibility of abuse and of refusal: We tend to hold on to pleasant experiences until we miss the next experience which would open up another gift. So the mystic takes all small things as big and all big things as small.

The rules are taken from Elif Shafak's novel “The Forty Rules of Love” (Viking 2010). They are inspired by the Sufi tradition and worded by the autor's imagination. www.elifshafak.com